Surfers Flood California Recruiters

(FiniteTimes.com) – It was with, like, total shock that Sargent Daniel Rodriguez opened his Malibu army recruitment office Thursday to found a line of long-haired teens stretched around the block.

“It was like I was selling Quiet Riot tickets or something,” says the 50-year-old Rodriguez. “I got them all taken care of though and ended up the day 3000% over my recruitment goal for the month.”

Rodriguez isn’t the only armed forces recruiter to suddenly find himself having a bumper month, nor is he the only one who smells vaguely of Sex Wax. Officials for all four branches of the U.S. military say that recruitment numbers have skyrocketed this week, most of it coming from offices located near surfing locales in California and Hawaii. Experts are crediting language problems, and not rampant patriotism, for the recruiting rush.

“When you’re the president and you get on national television and start saying how great the surge is, the surge will fix everything, the surge, the surge,” says Anita Townsend, Professor of Comparative Cultural Anthropology at UCLA. “Well, most Americans will just think ‘escalation’ and get on with their lives. Surfers though… they smoke lots of pot. Lots of pot. You say surge to them and they’re thinking the ultimate wave. They grab their boards, they sign the papers, and they’re stuck.”

Sensing a potential future problem when both high and hair are shed and hundreds of former surfbums find themselves stranded in the middle of a desert, the administration is seeking to find assignments for these young men which may help to ease their disappointments.

“Iraq isn’t the only theater we currently have out there, nor is it the only one we’ll have in the future,” Press Secretary Tony Snow told reporters on Thursday.

“And these surfers will be happy where?” asks a reporter.

“I hear Somalia has some bitchin’ waves, dude,” smirks Snow.

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