Sir Elton John to Release Anna Nicole Tribute

(FiniteTimes.com) – Sir Elton John announced today that he plans to re-release his hit song, Candle In The Wind. Much like he did with Princess Diana after her tragic death, Sir Elton is making this unusual move after apparently being touched by the short life and sudden death of Anna Nicole Smith.

“As big a mess as she was, it’s just amazing the reaction to her passing, isn’t it? We can’t stop thinking about her,” Sir Elton told reporters during a news conference outside the London headquarters of his dwarfism support charity, Tiny Dancer.

“I just feel terrible for her infant daughter, growing up with no mum and seven or eight dads. All the proceeds from this song will go towards a trust fund so the poor child can successfully hide from you fucking piranhas,” Sir Elton said as he waved a chubby little finger at the gathered press.

Sir Elton had originally planned on dusting off “Candle” as a tribute to Britney Spears, but those plans fell through when the pop princess checked herself into rehab, and it finally took, last week.

“Brit went with the wrong razor, didn’t she now?” a clearly-irritated Sir Elton asked.

While Sir Elton and his studio band will be recording the tribute next week, The Finite Times has obtained a copy of the lyrics for the revised song, which will be called “Zeppelin in the Wind.” The copy of said lyrics appears below.

A Zeppelin in the Wind

Goodbye Vickie Lynn
You liked your men all rich, no ass and old
You had the grace to hold yourself
Tightly against the stripper pole
They crawled out of the woodwork
And the c-notes they fell like rain
They asked you for a lap dance
And they loved your many cute stage names.

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a zeppelin in the wind
Dragging ground wires, trying to get higher
Than a kite by 10
And I would have liked to have flown you
And maybe knocked you up with a kid
But your zeppelin’s now a saggy shell
I can’t believe what TrimSpa did.

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