Senator Pins Hopes on Second Arrest

(FiniteTimes.com) – In a move apparently designed to shore up support among conservative groups, embattled Idaho Senator Larry Craig was arrested Thursday for what is being described as “inappropriate” behavior inside a Minneapolis airport women’s bathroom.

“We received a number of complaints in a short period of time that an individual was harassing and trying to hit on females in the airport bathroom,” said Minneapolis police department spokesman Edward Ballou. “Upon our arrival, we noticed said individual, who we later determined to be Senator Craig, saying inappropriate things and handing out his business card to any woman within reach.”

“Oh, it was horrible,” recalled housewife Viola Singer. Mrs. Singer had been returning from a visit at her sister’s in Topeka when she was accosted by Senator Craig. “I go into the ladies to take a pee, and there’s this pair of men’s shoes sticking out from one of the stalls. Then this man’s voice starts saying, ‘I likes the honeys, show me your bosoms,” and stuff like that, and then a business card shoots out from the crack. Then, nothing, like that was it, next.”

“Same thing with me, then nothing, except for the sound of flipping magazine pages, like he was bored or something,” added Edna Fortaine. A stewardess for SouthWest, Ms. Fontaine joined Mrs. Singer and eight other women in swearing out a complaint against Senator Craig, who now faces charges of heterosexual solicitation and disorderly conduct.

“He was polite about the whole thing,” says arresting officer Tony Smith. “We read him his rights, he said he was guilty, complimented me on my tie, and we brought him down to the station to book him.

“We found nothing else at the scene except for a Playgirl Magazine,” said Officer Smith. “Heck, it was the ladies room though. I don’t think it’s going to be used as evidence in this case.”

In terms of strategy, the ploy, at least initially, seems to be having some positive influence on Craig’s approval numbers. A USA TODAY/CNN/Gallup poll of registered Idaho voters shortly after this latest arrest show a ten-point climb in approval over the numbers taken after a similar incident involving a men’s room was made public earlier in the week. While the committee assignments he resigned from still remain in limbo, many who had originally called for his ouster from the entire Senate have been softening their stance.

“I understand he’s pleading guilty to trying to pick up chicks, so he knows it was obviously wrong, I know it was wrong, the American people know it was wrong,” says Republican presidential candidate and fellow Senator John McCain. “I say let Jesus heal him now, and we can all move forward with our more important goal of transforming Iraq.”

A statement from Senator Craig’s office confirms that the senator does indeed plan to “wholeheartedly plead guilty, the rascal.”

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