Screech Tapped to Replace Biden

(FiniteTimes.com) – With the 2008 elections in the history books, all that remains to do is sweep up a little political debris. While very few surprises have popped up post-election, one appointment is causing quite the buzz in Washington power circles: the decision by Delaware Governor Ruth Ann Minner to name former child actor Dustin “Screech” Diamond to the Senate seat being vacated by VP-elect Joseph Biden.

“I fell in love with his tenacity as Screech in ‘Saved By The Bell’, but it was his strength and courage on ‘Celebrity Fit Club’ that really sold me on Dustin’s character and capabilities,” Governor Minner said in a press release. “This is just the kind of spunky kid we need in Joe Biden’s Senate seat.”

Governor Minner’s decision is facing some resistance from Maryland’s state legislature, many of whom were more Elizabeth Berkley fans. It also is being questioned on Diamond’s residential qualification, as he is currently a Wisconsin resident. Diamond does, however, allegedly rent an Annapolis storage unit filled with “Save My House” t-shirts and retail DVD’s from his Diamond Dick production company.

Reached by The Finite Times, Diamond said he was pleased with the appointment and looked forward to using his position to champion some of his pet projects.

“I’m really excited to be heading to Washington, and I can tell you right now, I’m going to be getting things done,” Diamond said from a Port Washington, Wisconsin phone booth. “Like, I dunno… what about this: professional wrestling as an Olympic sport. Not the pussy kind, you know? But with capes and masks and drama and shit. And maybe, like, free health care or something.”

Diamond also announced that he was in talks to bring a camera crew with him to Washington to film footage for a possible new ‘Saved’ sequel, ‘Saved By The Bell: Mr. Screech Goes To Washington”.

“The permit process to shoot in the Capitol building is grueling, particularly because of the live chimpanzees we want to bring in with us, but we’re hopeful to be ‘Saved’ again and in theaters by next Christmas,” Diamond said. “Assuming the committee meetings and voting and shit don’t interfere with shooting, of course.”

Barring a legal challenge over his residential status, Dustin Diamond will be sworn in when the new Senate convenes on January 20, 2009.

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