Politics admin on 19 May 2007 11:41 am
RNC: Rap Battle Format For Next Candidate Debate
(FiniteTimes.com) – Republican National Committee (RNC) Chairman Mike Duncan has announced a change in format for the next Republican debate, to be held at the recently renovated South Los Angeles Rosa Parks Bus Station, located in Watts. Bowing to vocal elements within the Republican party, the RNC had decided to structure the Watts debate as a rap battle.
“The location, obviously, played a part in our decision,” Duncan said. “You don’t go into the hood to chat up the peepsies in a 3-piecer, yo. It will give our candidates an opportunity to shine in areas where they often, quite frankly, don’t even glow dimly.
“And Reagan would have loved it,” Duncan added.
Political analysts from both sides of the aisle say that the move is a clever attempt by the Republican party to reach out to more people, to throw off the visual mantle of ten rich white guys on a stage and show that, deep down, the ability to rhyme is universal, and can pull us together.
“You get someone like Mike Huckabee up there throwing down and shredding a wigger biotch like Giuliani, you’re gonna be all like ‘day-um, that Republican candidate for President is pretty neato’,” one analyst told The Finite Times.
The RNC is now waiting to see how many of its candidates will take up the challenge and appear on stage at the Watts debate. Only three so far – Tancredo, McCain and Giuliani – have agreed to appear, and according to the debate rules set forth by the RNC, their opening disses have been made public and are included here in their entirety.
The first to agree to the rap battle format was Colorado Congressman Tom Tancredo:
My name is Tancredo
And I come from the West
Exportin’ illegals
Is the thing I do best.
So if a beaner’s sleepin’
On your manicured lawn
Send me some campaign bling tonight
And he’ll be gone by dawn!
Tancredo’s diss was closely followed by Arizona Senator John McCain’s:
My hip hop name
They say is Grand Master John
I got all of my street cred
In a cage in ‘Nam.
So you can rip off my leg
And feed me nothing but bugs
I’ll made a fine president
If I remember to take my, uh, medication.
The third candidate to announce his intention to participate was former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani:
Well I’m the King of N-Y
My name is Rudy the G
A bunch of stinking terrorists
Tried to fly into me!
There’ll be no virgins waiting for them
When I gets done wit dem fools
I’ll stone ‘em with Big Apples
Stab ‘em with Planned Parent tools.
9/11, peace out.
The June 18th debate will be shown on the Country Music Channel and will be co-moderated by Snoop Dog and Chris “Vanilla Chunks” Matthews.
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