Education &World admin on 27 Oct 2006 10:22 am
North Korea Flunks Nuclear Test
(FiniteTimes.com) – The world awoke Monday morning to the shocking news that North Korea has failed its previously-announced nuclear test.
“We up here in the great country of North Korea are very saddened that we have failed this test,” said a newscaster on North Korea’s official state news program, Good Morning Pyongyang!. “We studied long time, but test very hard.”
This failure probably means that North Korea will have to wait another year to be inducted into the Nuclear Club, assuming they pass the test when it is given again in October, 2007. While this failure will mean that money earmarked for club dues can now go towards feeding the North Korean people, many North Koreans that The Finite Times encountered on the streets of the capitol city Pyongyang were stunned and saddened at the news.
“I have seen some of the answers given, and they were ludicrous,” said one man. “They said ‘thingies’ instead of ‘enrichment cylinders’? The test-taking delegation should all be shot and cooked with a delicious lime sauce.”
“I did not chant ‘Death to America!’ loudly enough,” said one distraught woman. “I will kill myself sometime this afternoon.”
The North Korean government, meanwhile, remained officially subdued on the test results, only blowing up one nuclear weapon to mark the auspicious occasion.
Back in New York, the United Nations Subcommittee on Annihilation Standards, which supervises the test each year, pointed in particular to North Korea’s difficulties on the verbal section of the test.
“They kept saying ‘nu-cu-lar, nu-cu-lar’,” said an anonymous UN proctor. “We let that slide once. Never again.”
This latest development on the Korean peninsula has spawned a number of high-level meetings between the US and its allies on how to deal with the situation. While many allies seek to increase funding to the “Tutors and ‘Taters” program to help North Korea achieve its goal of a peaceful transition to well-fed superpower, President Bush is taking the unconventional approach pushing hard for increased aid to South Dakota to help it deal with its “evil test-failing menacer to the north.”
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