Politics admin on 03 Feb 2010 10:07 am
Military Commission: Ask, Tell, Just Don’t Be Too Gay
(FiniteTimes.com) – In a nod to their Commander-in-Chief, a joint military commission has recommended that the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (DADT) policy on gays in the military that has been in place since 1993 should be scrapped in favor of a sliding “gay meter” that would be used to determine if someone was too gay for military service.
“With our recommendation, you can ask a military person if they are gay, and they can tell you, but they can’t be too gay about it, if you know what I mean,” said a source close to the Comprehensive Panel on Military Sexuality and Awareness. “You can dance, but not well. You can dress nicely, but not too nicely. You can sing, but no show tunes. You can be tidy and well-groomed and smell nice, but not to a gay level.
“And no tattoos that say Sergeant Sausage Sucker or the like.”
Acknowledging that being gay in Kansas is different than being gay in New York, the panel recommends that commanding officers be given considerable leeway on deciding how much gay is too much. Other factors such as gender and military branch will also be factored into any decision to discharge military personnel.
“If you’re a hard-core dyke, well you’re pretty much cover material for Soldier of Fortune, so you ain’t getting kicked out of anywhere,” the source said. “Similarly, crazy gay in the Marines wouldn’t even raise an eyebrow in the National Guard. You want to be insanely over-the-top queer? I’d go Guard. Or Navy.”
The president is expected to make a decision on Don’t Be Way Gay (DBWG) sometime this spring.
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