McCain GPS Anomaly Baffles Scientists

(FiniteTimes.com) – Many who have heard Republican presidential candidate John McCain speak up close and personal describe the experience as dreamlike, ethereal, almost out-of-body. Scientists now believe there may very well be a good reason for this.

“To be honest, we don’t know what it is, but we do know it exists,” says Dr. Sy Vitale, a researcher at Colorado’s Vale Physics Institute. “It’s like there’s a null pocket around Senator McCain, an envelope of space in which GPS just doesn’t work. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

This null pocket was discovered about two months ago when aides to the Senator began to notice that a new GPS unit on McCain’s Straight Talk Express tour buss would not function when the candidate came to the front of the bus to bark orders at the driver.

“We’d be driving along, everything fine, and then John would come up to go off on the driver and poof. It was like a switch going off. No GPS, no idea where the hell the Straight Talk Express was or where it was going,” an anonymous aide recalls. “Everyone is so sick of getting lost. We’ve been trying everything to keep him off the front of the bus, keep him napping in back.”

Dr. Vitale, who was asked by the campaign to quietly investigate the matter, sees a number of possible explanations for the anomaly.

“It could be the pins he’s got in his body due to his war injuries, or perhaps the nuclear-powered pacemaker the Navy put in him back in the 1970’s,” Dr. Vitale says. “If you believe in karma, you could argue that it’s just technology getting back at an old admitted technophile.

“My personal believe, though, and admittedly it’s kind of out there?” says Dr. Vitale. “I think there may very well be some sort of dampening field that, for whatever reason, the Senator puts off. This dampening field leaves him with a complete lack of geographical basis. It would certainly explain his recent mentions of Czechoslovakia and the Iraq/Pakistan border.”

Czechoslovakia ceased to exist in 1993. Iraq and Pakistan do not share a border.

While the McCain campaign has labeled the idea of a null pocket as ridiculous, the growing press coverage concerning the phenomenon has earned him at least one endorsement. The American Society of Geographical Educationists reluctantly announced that it was backing the senator on Tuesday. In a press release, the ASGE said that while they would have relished the idea of endorsing someone from such a big exotic country as Africa, they felt that “our core base, the legion of school-aged children who can not even find Hannah, Montana on a map, demand that we support the most geographically-challenging candidate in the field.”

Share and Enjoy: