Local Beverage Fells GOP Hopeful

(FiniteTimes.com) – Republican presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani was briefly held overnight in a Miami hospital on suspicion of orange juice poisoning.

“Mr. Giuliani was admitted at 10:15 last night with what our doctors have determined was a moderate case of citric toxicity,” said a spokesman for South Miami hospital. “He has since been treated and released, with our doctors’ advice that he refrain from further orange juice consumption, at least for the foreseeable future.”

This is the second food-related political scare this month. On January 2nd, Democratic hopeful John Edwards was briefly hospitalized in Iowa after suffering from a bout of cornitosis. He has since gone on to fully recover.

Reached for comment, Giuliani brushed off his health scare and said it actually made him a better candidate for the presidency.

“We’ve hit some 2500 events over the past three months in Florida, and I have orange juice at each one. Hey, I like orange juice,” Giuliani told The Finite Times. “I promised Judith I would cut down some, and that’s what I plan to do. I feel very uncomfortable being that gassy.

“I’ve got to tell you, though, for a while there I felt the pain, the fear,” Giuliani said. “And I think I now know a little bit what the 9/11 responders under my command felt when the twin towers came down on them on 9/11. I’ve been tested again, and I passed.”

The incident came at the end of a whirlwind campaigning day which found Giuliani briefly converting to Judaism at a Tampa temple at 9:00 AM, mowing lawns in Orlando at 11:00, attending an alligator wrestling BBQ in Port Saint Lucie at 2:00, and manning the dunk tank at the University of Southern Florida’s annual Islamofascist Awareness Day by 5:00.

Currently locked in a close three-way tie in the crucial January 29 Florida GOP primary, Giuliani’s staff says the former New York mayor will not let this current health problem affect his campaign schedule.

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