Business &World admin on 08 Aug 2006 01:13 pm
Israel: Wal-Mart, Not War
(FiniteTimes.com) – Much to the surprise of no one here at The Finite Times, Israeli Development Minister Doron Moallem has announced that Israel’s recent incursions into Lebanon are not acts of aggression.
“We are merely breaking ground for the world’s largest Super Wal-Mart,” said Moallem at a recent press conference. “It will be incredible! There will be a garden center, and a kosher delicatessen, and a Briss Palace ®. We just closed that deal, actually.”
Israel has been breaking ground on the 55-square-mile super store over the past few weeks, which the international community has unfortunately been misconstruing as a military escalation against the terrorist group Hezbollah.
“If Hezbollah could please stop shooting rockets at us, we’re just trying to give them a convenient place to buy quality products at an affordable price,” said Moallem. “Israel strongly regrets that we have accidentally killed so many future consumers in laying the groundwork for our super store.”
Local merchants were quick to react to the announcement.
“They will wipe out my business and every other business on this street,” said plastic flamingo retailer Ahmed Mohammed outside his shop. “We can not compete with the Israeli Wal-Mart. Please, go back to bombing the shit out of us. At least I can sell my flamingoes to the survivors.”
Embracing a variation on its traditional logo – Always Jewed-Down Prices. Always. – the southern Lebanon Super Wal-Mart hopes to open its doors to remaining Arabic masses in May of 2007.
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