Hillary Riles Green Group With Plant Comment

(FiniteTimes.com) – Steve Jacobs generally doesn’t leave CNN on in the background at his modest St. Louis duplex. He feels the negative energy generated by the likes of Wolf Blitzer and Nancy Grace leave his cacti too prickly, his delphiniums too droopy. But he had it on Tuesday, and what he heard forced him to leave the room.

“I set my water mister down and I just had to leave before the curse word broke out into the open and damaged my delicate begonias,” Jacobs told The Finite Times. His voice dropped to a whisper. “Just one bitch and they wouldn’t bloom for a year.”

The object of Steve Jacobs’ ire is none other than Democratic presidential front-runner Hillary Rodham Clinton. Her offense, in his eyes, occurred Sunday in northern Iowa, when she accused one questioner of being a plant. What she didn’t realize at the time was that plants do indeed have a voice, and that voice is in the form of Steve Jacobs and his group, the Arbor Preservation and Extension Society (APES).

“She couldn’t call him a retard, could she? No, but plant is fine, no problem there,” Jacobs said. “They figure plants have no vote, they have no voice, so let’s denigrate them. Forget the fichus, screw the sagebrush, please pass the poached pears. Well, no more. We APES are here to fight for our precious plant brethren!”

While the Clinton campaign is publicly downplaying the incident, there is some behind-the-scenes worry about how this will affect the so-called “nature nazi” wing of the Democratic party base.

“You obviously never want to do anything that will invite protest, but we’re trying to do damage control with a few stops this week at plant nurseries and a tree farm or two,” said one campaign insider. “So long as it’s just the APES, we’re not overly concerned, but if they team up with a group like NAMTLA (the North American Man Tree Love Association), we’ve got some real problems.

“You do not want a bunch of tree-fuckers dogging you on the campaign trail, believe you me,” said the insider.

Sen. Clinton is the first Democratic candidate that the APES have targeted with protests. Much of their activities over the past few years have been aimed at the current Bush administration’s environmental policies. Ironically, the group was formed in 1991 to publicly support and campaign for the current president’s father, George “Eat Broccoli, Ain’t Gonna Do It” Bush, in his unsuccessful bid for a second term.

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