Hawks Eye Lunar Tube as Guantanamo Base Closing Looms

WASHINGTON, DC (FiniteTimes.com) – While many in the scientific community were cheering the recent discovery of a 213-foot lunar lava tube for its potential as a moon base, many in Congress have been quietly advocating to put the discovery to a more practical use.

“As the attempted Christmas airline bombing has shown, we need this margin of protection. And why settle for an ocean between us and the terrorist element, when a sea of space would offer us even more security?” Senators McCain, Graham and Lieberman asked in a weekend letter to the Obama administration. While primarily an appeal against closing Guantanamo Bay at all, the Senators did offer some alternatives that they would find acceptable, including the idea of relocating the facility and its prisoners to the moon.

“We feel a Guantanamoon base would strike a balance between the need for security and the desire to afford a sense of extra-terrestrial justice to these heinous murderers,” the letter concluded.

Former Vice President Dick Cheney was quick to endorse the proposal, even taking it one step further by suggesting that tribunals themselves could be conducted in space.

“We’ve got that space station up there. What the hell are they using it for, do you know? I sure don’t,” Mr. Cheney snarled during a Tuesday interview on Fox News. “I tell you though, I know this: you want to try and blow up a plane, we’ll blow you out an airlock. Go fuck yourself in a vacuum, asshole.

“The innocent ones, we’ll ship to Guantanamoon. You can’t get any more fair than that.”

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