Feds Warn Of Possible 9/11 Popsicle Stick Plot

(FiniteTimes.com) – Visitors to the Washington, DC area during the 9/11 commemorative period should be particularly vigilant this year, says a joint Secret Service/FBI task force.

“We’re seeing a lot of chatter out there, and feel that DC may be ground zero in a situation that has been brewing for some time,” said task force spokesman Lou Edwards. “Intel indicates that two events in particular – the White House West Lawn Popsicle Stick Twin Tower Construct-Off and the Greater DC Model Airplane Club Jamboree, which will be held near the reflecting pool – are particularly vulnerable.”

Political insiders see this not only as a potential blow to a well-orchestrated 9/11 remembrance, but also a sign of a deepening rift between moderate Republicans (who are running the Popsicle stick event) and far-right Republicans (who have organized the airplane club jamboree).

“We were invited by the White House, by President Bush, to participate in this most American of pastimes: making stuff out of Popsicle sticks,” said Main moderate Republican Olympia Snowe. “President Bush is reaching out towards the middle, helping us build something that will be a symbol of freedom, at least through the first ice storm.”

“Moderate freedom is no freedom at all,” sneared Pennsylvania Republican Rick Santorum from his home in Virginia. “The president is doing what he has to do for political reasons. We have no plans on disturbing their little RINO love-fest.”

The Secret Service/FBI task force isn’t so sure. Spokesman Edwards pointed to a number of developments over the past couple of weeks that lead them to believe there may be trouble afoot come 9/11. Among them:

· A 9/5 President’s Daily Briefing (PDB) titled: “Your Base Determined To Create A Big Pile Of Splinters.”
· A series of videotapes sent to various DC news outlets in August featuring a man in a Reagan mask claiming that “Democrat appeasers would face God’s wrath, and the sound track will be an annoying, buzzing drone from the sky.”
· A sharp rise in middle-aged men donning wigs who have been taking model airplane lessons through the Greater DC Model Airplane Club and other local clubs. Reports suggest that these men, to a man, refused lessons on landing their model planes.

“At this point we don’t know what plans are in place in terms of disrupting the 9/11 activities, or even if there is a plan,” said spokesman Edwards. “We are just urging everyone to keep a sharp eye open for anyone that seems peculiar, unpatriotic, anti-business, critical or thought provoking. Or is just not drinking the Kool-Aid. You can tell the latter by the eyes. If you don’t see blind devotion, give us a call.”

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