Ex-Congressmen Get Last Laugh

(FiniteTimes.com) – With the dust barely settled on the remnants of their political careers, two of the last Republican congressmen to fall to the Democratic midterm wave are turning to humor to cauterize their wounds.

“We were always cutting each other up on the floor of the Senate,” George Allen says as he and Conrad Burns practice routines in front of a captive audience at the Congressional Page Dorm.

“There’s not really a whole lot to do when you’re a senator,” chimes in Burns. “Show up to vote, delegate stuff to your staff, smile at stupid photo-ops. You have to pass the time somehow, and George and I naturally turned to the funny.”

The long stretches of legislative downtime proved fertile ground for the two neo-comedians. It was actually at one of those stupid photo-ops that the two first paired up.

“We were at a children’s hospital, in Maryland I think,” Allen recalls. “Conrad was juggling, and I was dressed up as Darkie, The Negro Clown.”

“We were dying,” says Burns.

“Absolutely terrible,” Allen agrees. “Kids were throwing pudding at us, begging for tumors to speed up their growth… it was pretty bad. Out of frustration I threw a zinger at Conrad. What was it again?”

“’Hey Burns, nice balls. Boxer called and said she wants them back’,” says Burns. “The kids nearly popped stitches they were laughing so hard. The rest is history.”

The act would eventually evolve into the entity it is today, with Burns as straight man and Allen drawling his way to laughs with a southern simpleton approach. While the two have yet to settle for a name – Burns favors “The Big Sky Review” while Allen leans towards anything with “Wizard” in the title – Burns and Allen remain committed to the idea of keeping the act small and tight.

“We thought about expanding, adding other election losers, but it just never really clicked,” says Allen. “Santorum wanted to put a mirror into every bit and routine, Chafee wouldn’t stop crying long enough to get a punch line out, Talent… well, let’s just say that Jim should change his first name to ‘No’.”

The formula seems to be working. All the pages assembled at the impromptu show had nothing but praise for the pair.

“Any congressional performance that doesn’t result in painful sitting for a week after is all right by me,” said one page who only gave his name as “Bob.” Other pages nodded in agreement as Burns and Allen wrap up a routine they hope to take on the road with them come January.

“Hey, you macacas have been great!”

“Thank you, you really have! Say good night, Georgie.”

“Good night, Georgie.”

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