Disney to Re-Issue Classics

(FiniteTimes.com) – Fresh off the success of its recent controversial but ratings-friendly docudrama “The Path to 9/11,” ABC’s parent company Walt Disney has announced a sweeping plan to remix many of its classic animation titles to bring them more in line with its new partisan edge.

“The world is a different place now than it was then,” said Disney spokesperson Daniella Howe at a recent press conference. “Then you had Communists and the domino effect. Now you have Democrats and terrorist cells. If the time isn’t right for the Uzi-toting, high-flying Republican sensibilities of ‘Rambo Dumbo,’ I don’t know when it will be.”

While Disney unveiled many of its “Revised Classics” at the recent Disneocon Animated Film Festival, those in attendance offered up mixed reviews.

“I liked ‘Blam Blam Bambi,’ particularly the way they worked Dick Cheney into the plot as the loveable-but-myopic Uncle Gus,” said Phil Edgars of Brentwood, California.

“’Snow White & The Seven Little Brown Guys’ was my favorite,” his daughter Cloe said before breaking into song. “Hi ho, hi ho, she’s white so she must know…”

Not everyone was so positive, however.

“While I liked the UN-slamming that was the underlying theme of ‘101 Damn Nations,’ I felt that nuking Cuba – nation 102 – was just a contrivance to make the title work,” said Millie Daniels of Boulder, Colorado.

“’Robin Hood Redux’ got a little too deep into economic theory for me,” said Atlanta’s Dave Johnson. “I was nearly falling asleep when Robin Hood was describing trickle-down theory to his merry men as a justification for pillaging the poor.”

Disney’s animated classics are not the only make-over targets the company has in mind. There are rumors that Disney executives are leaning heavily on their music division to alter song lyrics, while subsidiaries such as Pixar are feeling pressure as well, notably in plans to rename “Cars” to “Big American Cars” when the feature film goes to DVD (this reporter swears he heard Buzz Lightyear yell “To Tehran and beyond!” on a recently released Toy Story retrospective DVD).

At the end of the day, where Disney goes, other animation studios are sure to follow. Time Warner, owner of the old Hanna-Barbara cartoon empire, is reportedly planning on releasing a new Scooby Doo animated movie that will place the nosy kids and their meddling dog in Iraq looking for weapons of mass destruction (SPOILER: the 10,000 Volt Ghost secreted them to Syria).

With the Republicans revising so much animation, where are the Democrats on all this?

“So far we just have a short animated clip of a frog that dances around when no one is looking and sings ‘I’m Just Wild About Harry Reid’,” sheepishly admits a DNC insider.

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