Politics admin on 27 Jun 2007 11:26 am
Cheney Secedes!
(FiniteTimes.com) – Beltway pundits were universally taken by surprise Wednesday when Vice President Richard Bruce Cheney renounced his US citizenship and declared his intention to create his own country.
“Cheneyvania looks forward to having a strong relationship with King Dick’s former country, the United States,” said the fledgling state’s new Court spokesman, Brit Hume. He spoke to reporters following Wednesday afternoon’s coronation ceremony. “We’ve got her back militarily, culturally, and economically. Upon purchase of a standing army, or the successful culmination of contract negotiations with Blackwater Consulting, we anticipate becoming eager and rabid participants in the Coalition of the Willing.”
While many politicians and analysts were caught off-balance by the announcement, some saw it as the natural evolutionary step for a man who had become increasingly politically isolated.
“He’s not part of the executive branch, he’s not part of the legislative branch, well, what is he?” asked NBC political analyst Maria Flamenco. “With aides quitting all around him or getting hauled off to jail, he must have figured well, this one’s pretty much shot, why not start my own frigging country? He’s got the experience running one, and his Halliburton kick-back pin-money. He should be off the ground and running pretty quickly.”
The first order of business in Cheneyvania will be actually selecting a geographical space in which to house it. Several secret bunker locations are reportedly being considered, as is a 30×50 mile section of Iran that has so far not been “dibbed” by any major oil company.
In addition to the official name, several other sovereign identifiers have already been worked out and adopted, including the official motto (“Go fuck yourself”) and official bird (a pile of smoldering feathers interlaced with warm buckshot).
____________
Related Stories
