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Entertainment & Weather & World admin on 17 Jul 2006

Wind-Whipped Mexicans Center Stage in McCartney Tiff

Friends and associates of Heather Mills McCartney are labeling as ludicrous claims by a Mexican meteorologist that the former-Beatles’ back-up wife was responsible for the naming of the hurricane currently threatening the Baja peninsula.

“Heather would never stoop to something so low,” said Stubby Greer, a close friend of Lady McCartney who spent years traveling with her on the amputee fetish convention circuit. “She’s all lady. Well, excepting the 6% of her what’s pine.”

See the whole article at CAP News:

http://www.crystalair.com/content.php?id=70200610017

U.S. & Weather admin on 20 Jun 2006

Tallahassee Vice

As FEMA staff scramble to put in place some form of plan for the upcoming hurricane season and administration officials brainstorm appearance-of-competency strategies, a small city is quietly growing just east of Tallahassee, Florida.

The residents call it “Vice City.”

“Ah come down here wit all my ho’s, and we just waiting fo’ it,” pimp Cornelius Schwartz III told CAP News Disaster Correspondent Gerald Rivera. “It coming some day, we just waitin’ - ho, get yo ass back out there and peddle it, bitch!”

See the whole article at CAP News:

http://www.crystalair.com/content.php?id=67200606020

Living & Politics & U.S. & Weather admin on 08 Feb 2006

Punxsutawney Phil Gitmo Bound

As he does every year on February 2, Punxsutawney Phil emerged from his Pennsylvania burrow and sought his shadow. This year, he saw it, meaning six more weeks of winter.

Then he saw the multiple shadows of law enforcement personnel, meaning indefinite detention at Guantanamo Bay in Cuba.

The post-ceremonial arrest of Punxsutawney Phil capped off a three month investigation by federal agents from the FBI and US Marshals that also nabbed such second tier groundhogs as Springfield Sam, Bangor Bob and Cincinnati Sue. All are being held for engaging in terrorist activities under the Patriot Act.

See the whole article at CAP News:

http://www.crystalair.com/content.php?id=11200602008