The Finite Times

(FiniteTimes.com) – Just days after his speech at the Liberty Coalition in which he slammed President Bush’s “excessive power grab” and called into question the legality of NSA wiretaps, Al Gore has come up with a solution.

“I invented the Cone of Silence,” Gore admitted at a hastily-called news conference. “With this device, you can talk to people six feet away and the fascists in the current administration can not hear you. It’s like you’re in a little soundproof lockbox.” Continue Reading »

(FiniteTimes.com) – “I came to the conclusion that more information is better, even if it is not as full as we would like to see.” – Sergey Brin

Ripping a page from George Bush’s Naa Naa Naa Naa I Don’t Hear You information bubble playbook, Google co-founder Sergey Brin announced that his search engine would begin delivering censored results to China’s 100 million Internet surfers. Continue Reading »

(FiniteTimes.com)) – Evan Jameson walks the corridors of his large, Milwaukee warehouse, his footsteps echoing in the vast space. He’s spent the past few days holed up here, walking and reminiscing.

“This time of day, this warehouse used to be a bustle of activity. Fork lift operators, dock workers, sphere inspectors, school tours… them damn scientists ended all that,” Jameson said, his voice choked with emotion. Continue Reading »

(FiniteTimes.com) – When Mike Huckabee’s squadron of Humvees topped a small desert rise last week while on routine patrol, they couldn’t believe what lay before them in the valley below: a handful of Iraqi insurgents, all on tippy-toes and spinning rapidly in the dying desert sun.

“After we killed ‘em all and high-fived, we could see that they even had them little tutu dresses on too,” said Huckabee. “We just figured they was practicing for the Baghdad Ballet, so we high-fived again. Me and the boys call that a two-fer.” Continue Reading »