The Finite Times

(FiniteTimes.com) – The past few months have not been kind to televangelist Pat Robertson. First he suggested that God smoke some Supreme Court justices. Then he called for the death of Venezuela’s President Hugo Chavez. His latest gaff was in saying that Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon’s stroke was God smiting him for his policies regarding Palestine.

Apparently God has had quite the fuck enough. Continue Reading »

Jesus Christ, An Interview

(FiniteTimes.com) – While the world was celebrating Easter, the day marking the resurrection of Christ, The Finite Times was busy securing an exclusive that will completely rewrite the past 2000 years of history. We recently sat down with a remarkably unresurrected Jesus Christ to see what he had to say.

FiniteTimes: So, no resurrection?

Jesus: Hell no. Some guy named Bob stole me from the cave they put me in. He was planning on selling my body to a scientist named Abdullah Frankensteinian. Imagine his surprise when I woke up. Continue Reading »

(FiniteTimes.com) – In the wake of the 10th Alabama church fire, the Godswad Bible Company has announced that they are recalling some 14,000 of their signature “Read This or Burn in Hell!” specialty bibles.

“One of our shipping clerks first noticed that we supplied bibles to all the burnt churches,” said Godswad president Octavian Smith. “After researching the matter further, we can confirm that they do spontaneously burst into flames on occasion.” Continue Reading »