The Finite Times

(FiniteTimes.com) – Amidst the well-wishers, the make-shift shrines and throngs of hopeful paparazzi, one man with a megaphone enthusiastically works the crowd, one fist pumping, one message clear.

“Free Britney now!” a hoarse Tom Cruise yells to the crowd, which politely applauds. The actor has been at it since Sunday, and is vowing to continue his vigil until pop princess Britney Spears is released from the UCLA Medical Center, where she is being treated for manic-depression. Continue Reading »

(FiniteTimes.com) – When Fred Thompson threw his hat into the presidential ring several weeks ago, many political observers assumed that the issue of equal time would become a dominant one due to Thompson’s work on the television series “Law & Order.” Few could have predicted that straight-talking Arizona maverick John McCain would also have a part to play. Continue Reading »

(FiniteTimes.com) – As France mourns its fallen crown prince of nonverbal mirth, a debate has been ranging in Parisian circles as to the best way to memorialize famed mime Marcel Marceau. And as so happens in the capitol city, the desire to create something new and unusual is running up against old and inflexible laws and regulations.

“What are you going to do, stick M. Marceau in a box and bury him in the ground?” asked Claud LaFont, chairhomme of the Paris Artistic Heritage Foundation, a grassroots group that seeks to preserve the historical uniqueness of French art and culture. “Mimes come with their own boxes – it would be redundant!” Continue Reading »

(FiniteTimes.com ) – FBI analysts are saying that a video posted to several radical Muslim Websites over the weekend – the second such video in a week – may indeed be that of Al Qaeda head Osama bin Laden. While the mannerisms and physical characteristics of the terrorist front-man appear to be consistent with those of bin Laden, the content of the message itself has raised some questions in the intelligence community as to the man’s future plans and intentions.

“I am here shouting out to Kathy Griffin. Girlfriend, I want to fill you with babies,” reads a translation of the tape’s text. In the tape, bin Laden clutches flowers and repeatedly and emotionally beats on his chest. Continue Reading »

(FiniteTimes.com) – Rumors have been swirling around Bill Murray since his arrest here last month on a suspicion of driving a golf cart under the influence. Would the aging SNL alum be the next celeb to succumb to the temptations of drink and drugs?

“At the time I had signed this non-disclosure thing, so I really couldn’t talk about it,” Murray recently told The Finite Times entertainment reporter Consuelo Jones. “But since you and other members of the press know about it, I guess the cat’s out of the bag. So, yes, I was pretty shit-faced, but it was all research for an upcoming role.” Continue Reading »

(FiniteTimes.com) – Alberto Gonzalez leans casually against the bar, no sign of his recent occupational problems evident on his face or in his mannerisms. Behind him in the murky depths of Houston’s Pedro’s Bar and Grill, his band’s first ever sound check is underway.

“I feel good, great even,” Gonzalez confesses as he absently twirls one of the frills on his western shirt. “I can’t recall ever feeling this sure about something. I mean seriously, I just can’t remember doing so.” Continue Reading »

(FiniteTimes.com) – The Hollywood elite used to hire lawyers, publicists and managers to massage their all-important images whenever crisis hit. More often than not these days they are reaching for a mouse and pointing their browsers towards Wikipedia.

Wikipedia touts itself as the Internet’s foremost, editable encyclopedia, and just how abusive “editors” could be became apparent recently when Virgil Griffith’s WikiScanner let everyone see just who was making changes to Wikipedia entrees. While the WikiScanner revelation of editing-manipulation originating from computers at NASA, the White House and Fox News surprised few, many were shocked to discover that the Hollywood bad-girl clique is not only computer literate, but also apparently hell-bent on Wikipedia domination. Continue Reading »

(FiniteTimes.com) – The Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) today announced that it was preparing to file suit against the state of Minnesota over last week’s Minneapolis bridge collapse that killed at least five people.

“We have no joy going forward with this suit, and our strong condolences go out to the families of everyone who lost their lives in this terrible incident,” said RIAA spokesman Jonathan Lamy. “But we feel that a copyright under our protection has been violated, and we are going to fight to assure that said copyright is honored.” Continue Reading »

(FiniteTimes.com) – In yet another sign of a deepening addiction problem, a spokesman for Lindsay Lohan confirmed on Friday that the actress was indeed the one responsible for Britney Spear’s second date with hair clippers this year.

“We can confirm that Lindsay broke out of the Urokey Rehabilitation Clinic late last night and was the one responsible for shaving Miss Spears,” a statement from the actress’s camp said. “While Lindsay regrets the incident and apologizes for the blatant cliché, she denies that the hair clippers in question actually belonged to her.” Continue Reading »

(FiniteTimes.com) – Seeking to breath life into his flagging presidential campaign, Senator John McCain announced today that he will be appearing in a future episode of the hit CBS TV show, CSI: Crime Scene Investigation.

“I did a little acting when I was a prisoner of war, but gosh that was years ago,” McCain said at a campaign stop in Fleur d’Merde, Quebec. “Of course, my lines then were pretty simple. ‘John McCain, Lieutenant Commander, Serial Number 899498-9855-9, ahhhhhhhhhhhh!’ Continue Reading »