The Finite Times

(FiniteTimes.com) - In a sign that embattled Republican National Committee chairman Michael Steele’s tenure may be drawing to a close, a close associate of the chairman tells The Finite Times that Steele is putting the finishing touches on a Christmas album that he hopes to release in time for the holidays. Continue Reading »

(FiniteTimes.com) - Investigators in Connecticut and California are coordinating their efforts to investigate what they say is the most decentralized and deranged terrorist cell they’re ever seen. And did we mention that it’s d-list? Continue Reading »

(FiniteTimes.com) - The Massachusetts’ special election to fill Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat went theatrical over the weekend as a virtual Kennedy joined embattled Democrat Martha Coakley on-stage for a song and dance routine. Continue Reading »

(FiniteTimes.com) - As the NBC late night civil war continues to heat up, The Finite Times has learned that top NBC executives are toying with an idea to diffuse the situation by moving both Conan O’Brien and Jimmy Fallon. Physically. Continue Reading »

EL PASO, Tex. (CAP) - When CNN’s Lou Dobbs announced the abrupt departure from his long-running show, Lou Dobbs Tonight, many assumed that he would follow fellow right-winger Glenn Beck and make the quick leap to Fox. In a CAP News exclusive, Dobbs says that he will indeed be punching the Fox time clock, but it will be the entertainment wing, and not the news division, that will be signing his paychecks. Continue Reading »

Producers for the popular MTV Cribs television program have announced that they have begun filming a series of episodes based on the mansions, condominiums and other properties owned by Republican presidential hopeful John McCain. Left unanswered was when they would finish.

“At this point, we just don’t know,” said Estelle Lansing, a spokeswoman for the show. “We’ve already started shooting places, and plan on going until McCain and his staff don’t remember any more. If it takes up a season, two, we just don’t know. MTV brass have left the schedule open-ended at this point.”

Cribs usually shoots footage of the houses of celebrities, musicians and athletes, referring to itself as the “one-stop shop for living vicariously through others.” This is the first time that they will be highlighting a politician’s pads, and it’s off to a rocky start. The show was thrown a bit of a scheduling loop recently when John McCain admitted he didn’t know how many houses he had.

See the whole article at CAP News:

http://www.crystalair.com/content.php?id=84200808014

The acting bug appears to have bitten singer Britney Spears, who this week announced plans to star in her own sitcom for the Fayetteville, La.-based Acadiana Open Channel.

“I just had such a great time on How I Met Your Mother, y’all. I’m just totally stoked to do this,” a jubilant Spears told the assorted paparazzi who had followed her to a Fayetteville gas station.

“No dancing, no singing, just memorizing a couple of lines and DON’T TOUCH THE FUCKING CAR, YOU PRICK! I’m like, so excited!” Spears added.

See the whole article at CAP News:

http://www.crystalair.com/content.php?id=46200805011

Amidst the well-wishers, the make-shift shrines and throngs of hopeful paparazzi, one man with a megaphone enthusiastically works the crowd, one fist pumping, one message clear.

“Free Britney now!” a hoarse Tom Cruise yells to the crowd, which politely applauds. The actor has been at it since Sunday, and is vowing to continue his vigil until pop princess Britney Spears is released from the UCLA Medical Center, where she is being treated for manic-depression.

“I know the history of psychiatry, and psychiatry is pseudoscience,” Cruise tells CAP New during a brief pause in his campaigning. “They’ve got her so pumped up on drugs she probably doesn’t know what she’s doing. Of course she seems crazy, she’s on crazy pills! Hahahahahaha!”

See the whole article at CAP News:

http://www.crystalair.com/content.php?id=23200802005

When Fred Thompson threw his hat into the presidential ring several weeks ago, many political observers assumed that the issue of equal time would become a dominant one due to Thompson’s work on the television series Law & Order. Few could have predicted that straight-talking Arizona maverick John McCain would also have a part to play.

Hollywood producer Sy Epstein filed a complaint today with the Federal Elections Commission requesting that his movie, Grumpy Old Pols, be cleared for national release.

See the whole article at CAP News:

http://www.crystalair.com/content.php?id=21200710017

As France mourns its fallen crown prince of nonverbal mirth, a debate has been ranging in Parisian circles as to the best way to memorialize famed mime Marcel Marceau. And as so happens in the capitol city, the desire to create something new and unusual is running up against old and inflexible laws and regulations.

“What are you going to do, stick M. Marceau in a box and bury him in the ground?” asked Claud LaFont, chairhomme of the Paris Artistic Heritage Foundation, a grassroots group that seeks to preserve the historical uniqueness of French art and culture. “Mimes come with their own boxes - it would be redundant!”

See the whole article at CAP News:

http://www.crystalair.com/content.php?id=0L200709018