The Finite Times

New York, NY (FiniteTimes.com) – Lost in the racially-charged pile-on over remarks radio personality Don Imus made last week, the angry cries from the New York Prostitution Union (NYPU) echo the message being put forth by larger groups like the National Association of Black Journalists and the NAACP: Imus must go. Continue Reading »

New York, NY (FiniteTimes.com) – The host of ABC’s Emmy-winning hit show Extreme Makeover, Home Edition confirmed Wednesday that the show would soon be enlisting an army of workmen to wage war on a very special target. Continue Reading »

Paris, France (FiniteTimes.com) – Mere hours after announcing their first tour in almost 40 years, The Police have already run into a roadblock in the form or a 6’3” aging prostitute with a familiar name. Continue Reading »

Hollywood, Florida (FiniteTime.com) – Investigators looking into the death of Anna Nicole Smith admitted Friday that they were comparing notes with investigators looking into the attempted kidnapping and murder case involving astronaut Lisa Nowak. Continue Reading »

New York, NY (FiniteTimes.com) – The Depends undergarment company announced Wednesday that it is dropping astronaut Lisa Nowak as its official spokesperson following Nowak’s mace and BB-gun rampage targeting fellow NASA employee and love-rival Colleen Shipman. Continue Reading »

Washington, DC (FiniteTimes.com) – Seeking to stem the flood of negative testimony their client is facing in his perjury and obstruction of justice trial, attorneys for former White House aide I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby have announced that veteran actor George Takei will be joining their defense team. Takei’s primary responsibility will be the closing argument. Continue Reading »

Manhattan, New York (FiniteTimes.com) – While court-watchers were not surprised when Naomi Campbell pleaded guilty to beaning her maid in the head with a BlackBerry last March, the sentence she received for her perfect pitch left many scratching their heads. Continue Reading »

Washington, DC (FiniteTimes.com) – The Senate grilling of Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice was abruptly halted on Thursday when a relieved Ms. Rice was unexpectedly called away to tend to an urgent matter. The matter? Continue Reading »

Cincinnati, Ohio (FiniteTimes.com) – If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then Jerry Springer is feeling very flattered indeed. Continue Reading »

Uncontrolled Reentry, Outer Atmosphere, CA (FiniteTimes.com) – Plagued by a slew of bad press and revealing miscues over the past several weeks, Britney Spears is hoping that her upcoming album will be just the tonic to cure her career woes. And according to the singer’s official Website, she’s taking steps to assure its success. Continue Reading »