The Finite Times

(FiniteTimes.com) – Newsweek Editor-in-Chief Tina Brown is apparently riding her Diana at 50 controversy to new heights with the announcement today that she will be commemorating the King of Pop’s death with an upcoming duet song and video.

“Production and licensing problems have pushed the project back a little later than had been hoped, but it is true: Tina Brown and Michael Jackson will be releasing a duet of ‘Beat It’ at some point next week,” a source said. Continue Reading »

(FiniteTimes.com) – While Kayne West largely behaved himself at Sunday night’s Grammy Awards, it apparently was only because he didn’t think far enough ahead.

“I shoulda been a chicken! I shoulda [expletive] been a chicken!” West tweeted early Monday morning, possibly a reference to Lady Gaga showing up for the Awards show in a translucent egg. Continue Reading »

(FiniteTimes.com) – The original Mama Grizzly was quick to protect her cub on Wednesday with a Twitter and Facebook salvo directed at Dancing With The Stars and a media she deemed “determined to piss on anything Palin”.

“Third @#%$& place, DWTS? Salmon and grits, that is communist, Satanish and wrong, shame on DWTS!” Sarah Palin tweeted shortly after the third place finish of her daughter Bristol on Dancing With The Stars. She followed this up with a Facebook call to arms. Continue Reading »

(FiniteTimes.com) – In a sign that embattled Republican National Committee chairman Michael Steele’s tenure may be drawing to a close, a close associate of the chairman tells The Finite Times that Steele is putting the finishing touches on a Christmas album that he hopes to release in time for the holidays. Continue Reading »

(FiniteTimes.com) – Investigators in Connecticut and California are coordinating their efforts to investigate what they say is the most decentralized and deranged terrorist cell they’re ever seen. And did we mention that it’s d-list? Continue Reading »

(FiniteTimes.com) – The Massachusetts’ special election to fill Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat went theatrical over the weekend as a virtual Kennedy joined embattled Democrat Martha Coakley on-stage for a song and dance routine. Continue Reading »

(FiniteTimes.com) – As the NBC late night civil war continues to heat up, The Finite Times has learned that top NBC executives are toying with an idea to diffuse the situation by moving both Conan O’Brien and Jimmy Fallon. Physically. Continue Reading »

(FiniteTimes.com) – When CNN’s Lou Dobbs announced the abrupt departure from his long-running show Lou Dobbs Tonight on Wednesday, many assumed that he would follow fellow right-winger Glenn Beck and make the quick leap to Fox. In a Finite Times exclusive, Dobbs says that he will indeed be punching the Fox time clock, but it will be the entertainment wing, and not the news division, that will be signing his paychecks.

“I’ve felt for a long time that I’ve wanted to take a more active roll in this issue instead of just windbagging about it, and many of my colleagues and the CNN brass had been encouraging me to move on and do so,” Dobbs told The Finite Times in the lobby of an El Paso hotel that has become the base for Dobbs’ new show, Lou Dobbs Brown Alert! Continue Reading »

(FiniteTimes.com) Producers for the popular MTV Cribs television program have announced that they have begun filming a series of episodes based on the mansions, condominiums and other properties owned by Republican presidential hopeful John McCain. Left unanswered was when they would finish.

“At this point, we just don’t know,” said Estelle Lansing, a spokeswoman for the show. “We’ve already started shooting places, and plan on going until McCain and his staff don’t remember any more. If it takes up a season, two, we just don’t know. MTV brass have left the schedule open-ended at this point.” Continue Reading »

(FiniteTimes.com) – The acting bug appears to have bitten singer Britney Spears, who this week announced plans to star in her own sitcom for the Fayetteville, Louisiana-based Acadiana Open Channel.

“I just had such a great time on ‘How I Met Your Mother’, y’all. I’m just totally stoked to do this,” a jubilant Spears told the assorted paparazzi who had followed her to a Fayetteville gas station. “No dancing, no singing, just memorizing a couple of lines and DON’T TOUCH THE FUCKING CAR, YOU PRICK! I’m like, so excited!” Continue Reading »