Category ArchiveEducation
Education & Politics admin on 30 Apr 2009
Torture Memos Show Bush Targeted Toddler Story Time
The present administration announced today that it is preparing to release another round of potentially embarrassing torture memos, perhaps as early as next week. These new memos claim to show the extent to which the Bush administration was willing to go to garner acceptance for its “enhanced interrogation techniques,” both in the present and the future.
“They say that history is written by the victor? Well, in this case, the attempt was to see the future written by Doctor Seuss,” says Charles Seymour, head of the independent Children’s Literature Anti-Political Initiative (CLAPI). “This was a shameful attempt to pervert an entire generation into accepting torture and inoculating it to believe torture is okay.”
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Education & World admin on 27 Oct 2006
North Korea Flunks Nuclear Test
The world awoke Monday morning to the shocking news that North Korea has failed its previously-announced nuclear test.
“We here in great country of North Korea are very saddened that we fail test,” said a newscaster on North Korea’s official state news program, Good Morning Pyongyang!. “We study long time, but test very hard.”
This failure probably means that North Korea will have to wait another year to be inducted into the Nuclear Club, assuming they pass the test when it is given again in October, 2007.
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Education & Politics admin on 15 Jun 2006
Rumsfeld to Clowns: “Fill those big shoes.”
Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld was center-stage yesterday when he gave the commencement speech at the 12th graduation of the Cleveland Clown College.
“Am I happy to be here? Yes I am. Did I ship off to Gitmo the idiot who tried to make me do this with grease paint on? Yes I did,” Rumsfeld told the brightly-colored crowd.
In addition to offering nuggets of advice such as “You don’t go to the big top with the little car you want; you go with the little car you have,” Rumsfeld displayed his emotional side when he described how as a child he was terrified of clowns, and how all that changed one day.
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Education & Politics admin on 07 May 2006
Bush Puts Books In Illiterate Hands
Sporting a stunning gray Versace suit combo and surrounded by men wearing guns, Laura Bush on Tuesday launched her “Help An Illiterate Find A Book!” initiative before a packed Scranton Public Library gathering.
It’s the First Lady’s first public initiative since her 2002 “My Pet Goat: So Good You Can’t Put It Down!” campaign.
“Pity the poor illiterate,” Mrs. Bush, a former librarian, told the gathered reporters, dignitaries and loyal Republican illiterates. “It’s one thing to not be able to read a book, but imagine not even being able to pick one out to try? No more,” Mrs. Bush said, gently pounding the podium.
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Education & U.S. admin on 07 Apr 2006
Recruiters to School Shooters: Enlist!
Quick to follow up on President Bush’s call earlier this week to “get help for our embattled schoolagers,” the White House has fired the first shot in what they are calling the War On The War On Our Schools.
“I’m here today to implore all would-be school shooters: don’t Swiss cheese our kids, come to work for us,” Army recruiter Rock Mullette told a packed Dayton auditorium on Wednesday. The crowd’s silence was not a condemnation of Recruiter Mullette’s message, but a testament to the constrictive nature of body armor.
“These folks know how to use a gun, how to load it, how to kiss it and pretend it’s an avenging angel sent down to smite their enemies,” Recruiter Mullette told CAP News after the Dayton speech. “They’re good at planning a covert operation, and their standoff experience is excellent training for both the foxhole and anytime that communication skills will be required.
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