The Finite Times

(FiniteTimes.com) - With top kill a dismal failure and cut & cap still an unknown in-progress, a source close to BP says that the company has decided upon yet another strategy to stop the flow of oil into the Gulf of Mexico, and is even now hurriedly building what the source is calling “a sure-fire solution”. Continue Reading »

(FiniteTimes.com) - While British Petroleum has been getting nothing but bad press lately over it’s oil well problems in the Gulf of Mexico, an announcement on Thursday by the Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries (OPEC) may put a little silver in the lining of what has been a bad month. According to OPEC, BP is the winner of this year’s Gusher of the Year Flow Award (or Floward, as it has come to be called). And in a bit of irony, they win this recognition with the same well that is currently filling the Gulf with oil and their boardroom with headaches. Continue Reading »

DUBAI (FiniteTimes.com) - When the world’s tallest skyscraper opened Monday in Dubai, many assumed the 2717-foot tall structure was an homage to nationalism or a prideful icon to leader Sheikh Mohamed’s rule. The truth, it turns out, may be closer to just getting the hell out of Dodg…, er, Dubai. Continue Reading »

An already disastrous ad campaign by fast food giant McDonald’s restaurant chain got worse yesterday when competitor Burger King filed suit in New York District Court for infringement of marketing space.

In a 12-page complaint filed with the court, Burger King charges that McDonald’s “…infringed upon the plaintiff’s rights to secure primary and exclusive placement of its products with a major media property.”

“My client owns the Star Trek franchise in terms of fast food product tie-ins, in both this movie and in two future, to-be-released titles,” said lead attorney Joshua Abrams outside the courthouse. “They signed a contract, paid a lot of money, and they’ll be damned if some burger-slinging clown is going to piss all over that, pardon my jurisprudence.”

Read the whole sordid mess at Crystal Air:

http://www.crystalair.com/content.php?id=91200905012

In a surprise move, a group representing insurance agencies and the insurance industry has announced that it will be launching an effort later this month to legalize marijuana. The Directorate of Insurance Executives says that the time has come for a more measured federal approach to marijuana regulations.

“Our jails are filled with young men and women whose only crime has been the wrapping up and smoking of what for millennia was a simple ditch weed,” says Emmanuel Smith, head of the New York-based group. “Our studies have shown that short and intermediate term use of marijuana is not harmful, and our drug laws should reflect that fact.”

See the whole article at CAP News:

http://www.crystalair.com/content.php?id=91200902008

Toy-making giant Habro announced today that it was filing a lawsuit in federal court to force George Bush and members of his former administration to stop using its “trademarks, logos, and other intellectual properties” immediately.

“Not to be cute about it, but we do have a monopoly on Monopoly,” said lead attorney Greg D’Angelo. “The former administration is engaging in a blatant abuse of copyright, and we just want them to stop.”

See the whole article at CAP News:

http://www.crystalair.com/content.php?id=75200901016

Democratic presidential hopeful Barack Obama may be facing a bit of an endorsement lift next week from an unlikely source: the Breakfast of Champions.

“In addition to winning our corporate headquarters state [Minnesota] by a two-to-one margin, Barack Obama has also shown himself to clearly be the more athletic and sportly of the remaining presidential candidates,” said General Mills spokesman Doug Sandabar. “His obvious love of basketball, swimming, and to a lesser extent bowling, make him a perfect Wheaties box candidate.”

See the whole article at CAP News:

http://www.crystalair.com/content.php?id=0Z200804023

Kotex parent-company Kimberly-Clark has announced that it will be endorsing Barack Obama in his bid to capture the 2008 Democratic nomination for president.

“We feel that Mr. Obama has the message that most resonates with these times, that of hope, change, freshness,” said a Kimberly-Clark spokeswoman. “We wholeheartedly endorse his candidacy, and will do all we can to insert him into the White House come November.”

In addition to a public endorsement, Kimberly-Clark plans on giving a generous campaign contribution to their preferred candidate and will host a New Orleans-style Ragtime-jazz benefit near their Dallas corporate headquarters later this month. A specially-imprinted Kotex feminine hygiene product will also hit the shelves next week.

See the whole article at CAP News:

http://www.crystalair.com/content.php?id=75200802001

Hoping to cash in on the linguistic hype surrounding Sen. Larry Craig’s unfortunate bathroom encounter last summer, Levi Strauss & Co. have announced that they will begin making a new brand of jean called “Wide Stance Pants.”

“We will be marketing the pants to cowboys and others who straddle things for a living, as well as men of discretion and adventure,” said Levi spokesperson Janice Weiss. She denied that the pants would be solely marketed to closet homosexuals, despite a flurry of pre-advertising that seems to suggest otherwise.

“Is the closet homosexual market huge? Of course it is, but that’s not who we’re trying to attract with our Wide Stance Pants,” Weiss said. “We’re looking to farmers straddling rows in a field, Seattle residents who find themselves constantly trying to avoid puddles, men who just honestly like the feel for more space between their legs. That sort of thing.”

See the whole article at CAP News:

http://www.crystalair.com/content.php?id=85200710009

When it first splashed onto the big screen in the late-1970’s, Star Wars was not only a box-office sensation, but also one of the first movies to generate a product tie-in campaign that was worth millions of dollars.

While items such as the Luke Skywalker Lunch Box or the Princess Leia Galactic Berets have become highly sought-after treasures on the collectors circuit, others faltered out of the gate, forever lurking in obscurity, awaiting a second chance at fame.

Items like the Darth Vader Doily.

See the whole article at CAP News:

http://www.crystalair.com/content.php?id=31200708009