Politics admin on 24 Jan 2006 02:39 pm
Canadians Catch Conservative Cold
(FiniteTimes.com) – Canadian health officials are downplaying the threat posed by an apparent outbreak of “Bush Flu” in their country. This comes in the wake of recent elections that saw Conservative Party leader Stephen Harper oust Liberal Party leader Paul Martin as Prime Minister.
“While there is some cause for concern, people should not automatically freak out,” a Canadian health official told The Finite Times.
“People who notice that they are showing symptoms of this malady – a desire to break the law, the inability to firmly grasp the English language, smirking – should rent a Michael Moore movie, or maybe listen to a few hours of Air America.”
While Bush Flu can be fatal, no Canadians have reportedly died from it so far.
“The mortality rate should remain low so long as we don’t start invading third world countries,” the health official said. “Or ignore natural catastrophes. Or ignore intelligence warnings. Or refuse to fund life-saving research for purely ideological reasons. Or give tacit approval to torture that sometimes results in death. Or eat pretzels.”
US officials don’t seem overly concerned about the health situation to their north. Vice President Dick Cheney, caught outside his bunker removing a string of fairy lights, had little to say about the issue, merely sneering a long drawn-out “Exxxxxxxxxxxxcelent.”
To ward off Bush Flu, health officials recommend that people get lots of rest, drink plenty of fluids, pay attention, and think.
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