Bush Mounts Horse & Buggy Campaign

(FiniteTimes.com) – The White House on Monday announced the latest in a string of initiatives designed to make the American public think they were doing something about the skyrocketing price of gas.

“Operation Horse & Buggy is designed to not only relieve Americans of their need for foreign oil, but also help in that whole theoretical global warming thing,” outgoing Press Secretary Scott McClellan said as he fumbled in his office/box for his shoe lifts.

Operation Horse & Buggy would move funds previously earmarked for brush-clearing tools into a special program that would examine the feasibility of encouraging more Americans to commute to work via horse & buggy.

“The Quackers have done it for years,” President Bush told The Finite Times correspondent Brute Hume. “Have you ever known a Quacker to be late to work?”

The program is not without its critics. PETA is all “horsie horsie horsie!” Climatologists worry whether the increase in methane produced by more horses will actually speed up, as opposed to slow down, global warming. And there is some concern that the horses will not meet CAFÉ standards.

“How do you get more miles per pound of oats out of a horse?” asked Special Undersecretary of Horse Emissions Barry Bonds after a recent game (his “other” job). “One word: steroids. And we are looking into the whole methane thing. Thanks for asking, jerk.”

White House officials deny that this latest program has anything to do with the fact that Bush twins Jenna and Barbara have recently purchased, respectively, the Cincinnati Buggy Company and the Pretty Pony Breeding and Boarding Emporium of Glendale, Maryland. Bush brother Jeb is also rumored to be in talks to gain controlling interest in Big Ass Pooper Scoopers, Inc.

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