Bush Backs Fairy-Marriage Ban

(FiniteTimes.com) – President Bush on Monday launched his own proposal that would make gay marriage illegal, but even the most rabid of right-wing ideologues are scratching their heads at the way he’s chosen to go about it.

“It looks like he’s trying to blend the two issues, marry them if you will, in order to assure passage of both,” Colvis Community College Professor Bill Mincer told The Finite Times Infogayment Editor Greta Von Cistern.

The “two issues” in this instance are gay marriage and immigration. Stealing heavily from the various immigration bills preparing to cockfight-it-out on Capitol Hill, President Bush is proposing an alternative to the gay marriage amendment, a multi-point plan to combat homo-betrothal that will include:

-The deployment of the National Guard to secure all churches and town clerk offices.
-The building of a big fence around San Francisco.
-Steep fines for any florists, photographers, caterers or DJ’s that agree to work at gay wedding receptions.
-A tax cut for millionaires.

“This isn’t about lebanese or gay guys, it’s about the family,” President Bush said Monday afternoon at a reception for Mary Cheney’s new book, “Oh Shit, I’m Gay??”

“We’ve all walked into our parents’ bedroom from time to time and seen Mommy dressed in leather, horse-whipping naked Daddy and screaming, ‘Call me Mistress, bitch-boy!’” President Bush said. “Can you imagine the psychological traumage if that was two men, heh heh?”

Senate Republican leaders admit that both their gay marriage amendment and the president’s proposal have about as much chance of passing the Senate as Harvey Fierstein has of passing for straight, but debate on this issue is still scheduled through Thursday.

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