Religion admin on 19 Feb 2006 02:19 pm
Biblical Book Pusher Pulls Burning Bibles
(FiniteTimes.com) – In the wake of the 10th Alabama church fire, the Godswad Bible Company has announced that they are recalling some 14,000 of their signature “Read This or Burn in Hell!” specialty bibles.
“One of our shipping clerks first noticed that we supplied bibles to all the burnt churches,” said Godswad president Octavian Smith. “After researching the matter further, we can confirm that they do spontaneously burst into flames on occasion.”
No one is sure why the bibles can suddenly catch fire, but many affected churchgoers have their own theories.
“It’s that damn burning bush,” said Millie Haines. “Rip out the page, or rewrite that part so that a jackass or toad or something talks to Moses.”
“It’s Satan trying to censor the word of God, or maybe Hillary Clinton,” opined Larry Eberton. “Hell fire! Hell fire!”
For Cletus Jones, the answer was simple. “It’s a miracle. A pretty damn shitty one, but a miracle nonetheless.”
ATF officials refused to comment on the recall, but did state that they were still trying to determine if there was a possible link between the ten churches of a single denomination that burned to the ground in a single state in a single week.
“At this point in time we’re considering it a coincidence,” said an ATF spokesman. “A pretty damn shitty one, but a coincidence nonetheless.”
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