Politics admin on 07 May 2006 02:48 pm
Alito to Senators: “I’m Just Gonna STFU.”
(FiniteTimes.com) – The following are some of the recent highlights from Judge Samuel Alito’s Supreme Court nomination hearing:
-Affirming that he “absolutely” believes that the right to privacy exists in the Constitution, Alito refused to answer any more questions.
-Ted Kennedy and Chair Allen Specter exchanged heated words on Tuesday. This escalated into a fistfight, and before aides could break it up, Kennedy had eaten Specter. Congressional historians believe it is only the third time one senator has actually eaten another.
-Joseph Biden set a record for inserting the phrase “When I’m president…” 48 times in his questions to Alito.
-Martha-Ann Alito, wife of the nominee, had to be duct-taped to her chair and ball-gagged after bursting into tears, leaping from her chair and yelling repeatedly at Barbara Boxer “Leave him alone you bitch! Leave him alone you bitch!” No on is quite sure why she was forgotten at the end of the day, but she was released around ten pm by a janitor.
-Judge Alito refused to say whether he viewed Roe v. Wade as “settled law,” or whether he would vote to overturn it. Then he turned and winked at his children, all 27 of whom had turned up to support “papa”.
-Alito refused to say whether he thought the powers of the executive branch should be greatly expanded. Citing a Constitutional right to privacy, he also refused to drop trough and let senators view a rumored “I Heart Dubya” tattoo.
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