Business admin on 17 Jul 2006 12:44 pm
Acme Widgets Heralds Near-Record Loss
(FiniteTimes.com) – The Omaha-based Acme Widget Company is applauding the fact that they will only lose $296 million this year, down from a former prediction of $423 million.
“I’m ecstatic!” said Acme CEO Robert Edwardson. He spoke to The Finite Times at a special Omaha block party organized to celebrate the shortfall, the fourth largest in company history.
“This is a vindication of my stewardship, a sure sign that we’re only losing quarts of blood a quarter, not gallons,” Edwardson said between limbo attempts.
The news is good for the widget industry, which has been trying to open up widget markets around the world. The Bush administration was quick to pounce on the news and claim it as a sign that the Bush Doctrine (the economic one, not the military or screw y’all ones) was working.
“The president firmly believes that you can lose a shitload of money, so long as you lose less than you originally claimed you would,” said Press Secretary Tony Snow. “Business people know this, that losing money is good, that, uh, break a few eggs to make an omelet, and trickle down… look, a purple bunny!”
The FiniteTimes reporter Bobby R. Walters was unable to catch Mr. Snow to ask a follow-up question.
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