9/11 Apathy Strikes Terrorists

(FiniteTimes.com) – Researchers at the American Institute for Terrorism Studies have published their post-9/11 analysis of the so-called “9/11 effect,” and the results are creating a buzz from Washington to Wasit.

“Americans by and large were very supportive, very solemn on 9/11,” said chief researcher Dr. Charles Parrish. “Those in other countries ran the gamut from sort of supportive to encore, encore! It’s when we get into the sub-categories, like terrorists, that the numbers get really interesting.”

In this year’s results, 62% of terrorists were not planning anything special on 9/11, a whopping 20% had no idea what 9/11 signified, and only 8% were planning some form of 9/11 remembrance activity, usually in the form of a brisk game or Risk or shooting rifles three or four times in the air.

Mohammed A. from Kirkut polled with the majority.

“I said to Ahmed ‘Oh my Allah, do you know what tomorrow is?’ and he says ‘Rotate your camel’s shoes day?’ and I said ‘No, 9/11! Should we do something, like have a party or blow something up?’ and he kind of shrugs and says ‘Whatever, dude,’” Mohammed recounted for The Finite Times’ Gerald Rivera. “We ended up just staying in and watching the Pinocchio marathon on Baghdad ABC. And rotating the camel’s shoes.”

Dr. Parrish is hopeful that this apathy will fade as we get closer and closer to the 10th anniversary of the Twin Towers’ destruction.

“Any time we mark a special day, it will always mean more if there is some sort of adversarial edge to it,” said Dr. Parrish. “With Christmas, it’s the Christians vs. the Santanistas. On Valentine’s Day, it’s those in love vs. the morbidly obese and the butt-ugly who couldn’t get laid if they were an egg. For 9/11, the day will have more emotional impact if you’re constantly in fear of a dirty bomb going off right next to you. It’s human nature.”

The complete results of the AITS study can be found in next month’s issue of Them Magazine.

Share and Enjoy: