The Finite Times

(FiniteTimes.com) – It’s a rite of passage for past presidents to pen their memoirs shortly after leaving office, to put a spin on their accomplishments and try to give subtext to their years in office. In announcing this week that he has signed on to write his own version of events as he saw them unfold over the past few years, George W. Bush is no different. What is different is the format.

“Former President Bush had to deal with many things that just sort of leapt out at him during his two terms in office, and he thought what better way to illustrate this than by making his memoirs a pop-up book,” says Bush part-time spokesman Peter Eliot. “Like no other presidential memoir before, history will literally jump out at you. Continue Reading »

(FiniteTimes.com) – A coalition of Christian ministries has announced that they intend to move ahead with plans to request federal bailout money to prop up their financially-beleaguered churches. The request — rumored to be in the range of $450 billion — is expected to come as early as next week.

“The various churches that we represent have been hard-hit, Lord knows,” says Dr. Luther Cole, spokesman for The Lord’s Lobby, a religious lobbying group that is spearheading the bailout effort. “Catholic priests paying the little boys off. Fundie churches finding that people are getting real tight with their cash now that the End Times are nigh. Rick Warren just turning people right the hell off. Hallelujah! Can I get an amen and a big fucking check?” Continue Reading »