The Finite Times

(FiniteTimes.com) – Kotex parent-company Kimberly-Clark has announced that it will be endorsing Barak Obama in his bid to capture the 2008 Democratic nomination for president.

“We feel that Mr. Obama has the message that most resonates with these times, that of hope, change, freshness,” said a Kimberly-Clark spokeswoman. “We wholeheartedly endorse his candidacy, and will do all we can to insert him into the White House come November.” Continue Reading »

(FiniteTimes.com) – Republican presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani was briefly held overnight in a Miami hospital on suspicion of orange juice poisoning.

“Mr. Giuliani was admitted at 10:15 last night with what our doctors have determined was a moderate case of citric toxicity,” said a spokesman for South Miami hospital. “He has since been treated and released, with our doctors’ advice that he refrain from further orange juice consumption, at least for the foreseeable future.” Continue Reading »

(FiniteTimes.com) – The truce between the two top Democratic presidential contenders lasted barely 24 hours before the next skirmish broke out. And this time, the issue Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama were squaring off over even surprised seasoned politicos.

“We’re going to take her supporters, we’re going to take her friends, we’re going to take her family too. Yes, her family too!” Obama told a cheering crowd in Reno, Nevada. “And we’re going to march, march ‘till our tired feet are raised up by our soaring spirits, march ‘till we’ve reached the pop-singer’s house, and we’re going to ring out as one: ‘Change! Change! God almighty Britney, please change!’”
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(FiniteTimes.com) – Sixteen years ago the state of New Hampshire christened her husband the Comeback Kid. Tuesday night it was her time, and the Bounceback Broad could not have been more pleased.

“Barack Obama was handing this old girl her ass, and you changed all that!” Hillary Rodham Clinton told an enthusiastic crowd of supporters Wednesday morning as she prepared to board her bus, the Experience Express. Clearly overcome with emotion but determined not to cry, again, she fidgeted with her victory tiara and collected her composure while Elton John’s The Bitch is Back rocked the early morning crowd. Regaining control, she delivered the sound bite that may well become her campaign’s rallying cry in the days and weeks ahead. Continue Reading »