Monthly ArchiveJune 2007
Politics admin on 27 Jun 2007
Cheney Secedes!
Beltway pundits were universally taken by surprise Wednesday when Vice President Richard Bruce Cheney renounced his US citizenship and declared his intention to create his own country.
“Cheneyvania looks forward to having a strong relationship with King Dick’s former country, the United States,” said the fledgling state’s new Court spokesman, Brit Hume. He spoke to reporters following yesterday afternoon’s coronation ceremony.
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Entertainment admin on 13 Jun 2007
Handcuffed Hilton’s Tears Hit eBay
From his vantage point outside Paris Hilton’s house during the recent arrest of the heiress, paparazzi veteran Nick Eldorado could tell Hilton was upset. Real upset.
“She was a mess. I mean crying buckets, man,” Eldorado said. “The deputies sat out front with her for several minutes before speeding off, and they kept handing her tissue after tissue. She was filling them fast.”
Eldorado is one of three eyewitnesses backing up the claim of an anonymous eBay auctioneer that he has a 1/8 oz. vial of Paris Hilton’s tears that he has put up for sale. The auction went live on Monday, and bidding is already into the five figures.
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Religion admin on 06 Jun 2007
Devout Flock to See Falwell Image
The tired building with its chipped-brick facade is about as off-Off Broadway as you can get, but the tassels don’t swing with any less energy, the sequins aren’t secured with any less glue. It is Demillo’s Theater, longtime home to the Shanghai She-Male Review, a staple in this neighborhood where stripped cars and crack house tenements are the norm. In its long history, it has bore witness to many a strange oddity, but the Jerry Falwell pee stain may just trump them all.
“We try to keep the place clean for the girls, but it ain’t easy, ya know?” says theater manager Earl Ramirez. “They’re rushing to get on stage, ain’t watching where they’re aiming. I even got some of them urine cakes you shoot at, in the shape of an ass, you know? Nothing helps.
“Anyhow, about two weeks ago Bob the janitor guy comes up to me saying that he can’t get this thing off the wall, it’s like a pee stain or something. He scrubs it off, next day it’s back. I says to him, Bob, I warned you about the drinking, but sure enough, there it was. And it was a fucking face, swear to God.”
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