Monthly ArchiveMarch 2007
Entertainment & Politics admin on 20 Mar 2007
Romney Run Fells Dancing Osmond
Doctors are expressing cautious optimism following Marie Osmond’s recent fainting spell during a live episode of ABC’s Dancing With The Stars. Initial tests do not seem to indicate any major medical problems, which is good news for the 48-year-old mother of eight.
Good news for Marie, but terrible news for Republican Presidential candidate and fellow Mormon Mitt Romney.
“We’ve long speculated that Mr. Romney’s run may have a detrimental effect on the spiritual body of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and this is probably the most significant piece of evidence yet that such an effect may indeed be occurring,” said Loyola Religious Mechanics professor Roy Buck. “Even before Marie hit the floor, I was thinking, Wow, the Mormons are fucked.”
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Business & Entertainment admin on 19 Mar 2007
Snags Hit Disney’s Newest Princess
Shortly after being unveiled at Disney’s annual shareholder’s meeting in New Orleans, the company’s first black princess is already learning that, to paraphrase a famous frog, it ain’t easy being first.
“It took 84 years to realize Princess Maddy. I expect it may take a few weeks more to work out all the kinks,” said Greg Provist, Disney’s Vice President in charge of franchise development. “Compared to the suicide bombings we had to contend with when we created Jasmine without a burqa, this is nothing.”
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Entertainment admin on 13 Mar 2007
Hall To Bravo: “Sha na na na na na na na no.”
They braved the cold of a New York March night to come and stand with the crowd outside the city’s famed Waldorf-Astoria Hotel. They chanted their idol’s name relentlessly, as sure of their impossible task as they were of his craft, his talent. They call themselves The Marcias, and this night, as on the 20 that have come and gone before, they will go home disappointed. For on this night, as on the 20 others, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame will shun Johnny Bravo.
“They should just let Johnny - Greg - in,” Gladys ‘Marcia’ Kravitz complains bitterly. A former Manson girl (she missed the Tate-La Bianca killings due to a viral infection), she’s been part of the yearly induction protests since 1988. “Maybe this will be the day. Maybe today will be a sunshine day!”
See the whole article at CAP News:
Politics admin on 12 Mar 2007
Clock Change Snares VP Pacemaker
The White House has confirmed that a massive power drain-off Sunday morning in the Washington, DC area was inadvertently caused by Vice President Dick Cheney.
“The Vice President awoke as usual, and as usual his pacemaker immediately tapped into local power systems to feed. That’s when the problems started,” White House Press Secretary Tony Snow said.
When the pacemaker discovered that every system it encountered had been switched to Daylight Savings Time, its computer chip triggered a diagnostic loop that ran for several minutes, effectively shutting down the Vice President.
See the whole article at CAP News:
Business & Politics admin on 05 Mar 2007
Ann Coulter Doll Recalled
(FiniteTimes.com) - When Rudy McNamara received his Ann Coulter doll in the mail from eBay, he knew exactly what he wanted it to do.
“I wanted it to bitch at liberals, call ‘em moronistic and fag lovers and what not,” McNamara said from his home in Bent Handle, Texas. “What I actually got was something pretty different.” Continue Reading »
