The Finite Times

Paris, France (FiniteTimes.com) – Mere hours after announcing their first tour in almost 40 years, The Police have already run into a roadblock in the form or a 6’3” aging prostitute with a familiar name.

“Oui, I am Roxanne. Lotta good what that did me, no?” Roxanne LaBoucherie said outside her Paris flat. “I was always hearing this song about me in commercials, in les movies, radio, but do I see a franc? No. It’s nice to hear that I don’t have to put out la light rouge, but Roxanne she has to eat, no? And now Little Stinger is going to pay.”

Gordon Matthew Sumner, also known as Sting, also known as “Little Stinger” to a generation of Parisian prostitutes, originally penned his band’s iconic song when The Police were playing Paris in 1977. It quickly went on to make the band millions of dollars in royalties, but the oversized streetwalker with the melodic name didn’t even make the final cut of “Sting: Behind The Music.” Still, she’s not bitter, but she does have her eye on future royalties.

“I don’t have to walk the streets for money, not with that song out there again,” Roxanne says, her tired eyes scanning the gray crowd for signs of a mark with shallow pockets. “I don’t care if I’m wrong or if I’m right, they going to pay Roxie this time, no?”

While the band is refusing to discuss Roxanne LaBoucherie’s claims, a spokesman did acknowledge that Sting was thinking of updating some of the band’s catalog, including it’s signature hit.

“It’s been almost 40 years, you know? Sting wants to put a new face on the song,” the spokesman said. “Perhaps dedicate it to his first wife, although ‘Fraaaaaaaaancis’ sounds a little forced. Perhaps an homage to whoredom in general, assuming ‘Biiiiiiiitches’ can make it past the censors. We’ll see.”

The governing panel of the Musicians’ Touring Board is expected to take up Roxanne LaBoucherie’s claim when they meet later next week.

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