The Finite Times

Los Angeles, CA (FiniteTimes.com) – GOP presidential hopeful John McCain on Wednesday plunged headlong into the male grooming industry by announcing the launch of his first cologne, Maverick for Men. The announcement took place at the end of a joint appearance with California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger on the docks of Los Angeles Harbor. Continue Reading »

New York, NY (FiniteTimes.com) – The host of ABC’s Emmy-winning hit show Extreme Makeover, Home Edition confirmed Wednesday that the show would soon be enlisting an army of workmen to wage war on a very special target. Continue Reading »

Paris, France (FiniteTimes.com) – Mere hours after announcing their first tour in almost 40 years, The Police have already run into a roadblock in the form or a 6’3” aging prostitute with a familiar name. Continue Reading »

Hollywood, Florida (FiniteTime.com) – Investigators looking into the death of Anna Nicole Smith admitted Friday that they were comparing notes with investigators looking into the attempted kidnapping and murder case involving astronaut Lisa Nowak. Continue Reading »

New York, NY (FiniteTimes.com) – The Depends undergarment company announced Wednesday that it is dropping astronaut Lisa Nowak as its official spokesperson following Nowak’s mace and BB-gun rampage targeting fellow NASA employee and love-rival Colleen Shipman. Continue Reading »

Washington, DC (FiniteTimes.com) – Republican lawmakers on Capitol Hill Tuesday were applauding the news that President Bush’s 2.9 trillion dollar budget would actually come in lower than originally predicted. Continue Reading »

Punxsutawney, PA (FiniteTimes.com) – The spokesman for perennial spring prognosticator Punxsutawney Phil is lashing out at the Bush administration, claiming that bureaucrats from the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration approached him late last year and offered him a “grant” to skew this year’s Groundhog Day results. Punxsutawney Tourism and Travel Coordinator Roger Peterson’s claims appear in this month’s issue of Science Magazine. Continue Reading »

Miami, FL (FiniteTimes.com) – Officials for the National Football League publicly rebuked Senator Joseph Biden Saturday for “outing” a Senator Barack Obama Ivory soap ad that is scheduled to air during the Super Bowl. Continue Reading »