The Finite Times

Washington, DC (FiniteTimes.com) – The Senate grilling of Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice was abruptly halted on Thursday when a relieved Ms. Rice was unexpectedly called away to tend to an urgent matter. The matter?

“President Bush likes Donald Trump and he likes Rosie O’Donnell, and he felt that it was his duty to do what he could to get both sides together,” said White House Press Secretary Tony Snow. “The president said, and I’m quoting exactly here so that everyone knows they are his, uh, words, ‘Our lesbianists and gabillionaires can show us the way to peace in the Middle East’.”

While D-list diplomacy is not traditionally part of her job description, Secretary Rice was assigned the Fat Pig/Combover conflict at the specific behest of Barbara Walters, who denied that there was any tit-for-tat involved.

“I promised nothing to this wonderful president, nothing whatsoever,” Walters assured her View audience on Friday. “I will say this, however: I don’t know what kind of a tree President Bush would be, but I’ll be he’d have some crazy-nice wood. You know what I’m sayin’ girlfriend Ros… uh, Joy?”

A spokesperson for Rice said that the secretary would make every possible effort to pencil the Senate in again “soon.”

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