The Finite Times

Uncontrolled Reentry, Outer Atmosphere, CA (FiniteTimes.com) – Plagued by a slew of bad press and revealing miscues over the past several weeks, Britney Spears is hoping that her upcoming album will be just the tonic to cure her career woes. And according to the singer’s official Website, she’s taking steps to assure its success.

“I’m gonna belch my album!” a recent post to the site proclaimed. “To launch this like the best album evar, I’m going to burp the whole thing, wheeee! I’m soooooo ecsited!”

Industry insiders have been surprisingly supportive of the idea.

“It’s fresh, unusual, risky… I say go girl!” says San Diego Times music critic B. Diago Jones. “Scuttlebutt has it that she’s planning on including a vocal version of ‘Flight of the Bumblebee’ on the new disc, and to be honest, I’m not sure that’s burpable. Girlfriend is bold to try, though.”

While a date for the event has not yet been set, the location is apparently a lock: Las Vegas’ PURE nightclub, site of Britney’s New Years Eve nap. While sources at the nightclub say that Britney will not be paid for this performance, all of her drinks – which could be a sizable chunk of change in and of itself by track 11 or 12 – will be free.

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