The Finite Times

While the rest of the world battles the emergence of avian flu as the possible source of the next pandemic, the United States is coming to grips with another potential danger: crocodile flu.

“Diagnosing this illness is one of our biggest problems,” Dr. Stephen Bright said at the annual American Croctologist Convention held at the Exit 13 Sheraton in Orlando, Florida. He tapped his peg leg with one of his hook hands for emphasis. “Who here has had difficulties taking the anal temperature of a crocodile to verify infection?”

A good two dozen hook hands rose across the sparsely populated room.

See the whole article at CAP News:

http://www.crystalair.com/content.php?id=67200603031

Rumors of Fidel Castro’s intestinal surgery were shot down earlier this week when the Cuban dictator appeared in public sporting, oh, what’s the word?

Tits.

“To the Cuban people, I say, you have a new queen,” Mrs. Castro said in an official statement. “To the American oppressive forces, I say, okay, you basically suck, but your president has a very nice ass.”

See the whole article at CAP News:

http://www.crystalair.com/content.php?id=37200608011

Researchers at the American Institute for Terrorism Studies have published their post-9/11 analysis of the so-called “9/11 effect”, and the results are creating a buzz from Washington to Wasit.

“Americans by and large were very supportive, very solemn on 9/11,” said chief researcher Dr. Charles Parrish. “Those in other countries ran the gamut from sort of supportive to encore, encore! It’s when we get into the sub-categories, like terrorists, that the numbers get really interesting.”

In this year’s results, 62% of terrorists were not planning anything special on 9/11, a whopping 20% had no idea what 9/11 signified, and only 8% were planning some form of 9/11 remembrance activity - usually in the form of a brisk game or Risk or shooting rifles three or four times in the air.

See the whole article at CAP News:

http://www.crystalair.com/content.php?id=35200609008