The Finite Times

Washington, DC (FiniteTimes.com) – Due to the Virginia Tech shooting tragedy, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez has been granted an additional two days to prepare for his testimony before the Senate Judiciary Committee. It is time, experts believe, that he may be using to consider an unconventional testimonial strategy. Continue Reading »

New York, NY (FiniteTimes.com) – Lost in the racially-charged pile-on over remarks radio personality Don Imus made last week, the angry cries from the New York Prostitution Union (NYPU) echo the message being put forth by larger groups like the National Association of Black Journalists and the NAACP: Imus must go. Continue Reading »

Somewhere North of Tehran, Iran (FiniteTimes.com) – By Ahmed Allah al Allat’s estimates, he has another 23 pots of Islamic gruel left to make before he enters the record books. Continue Reading »

Los Angeles, CA (FiniteTimes.com) – GOP presidential hopeful John McCain on Wednesday plunged headlong into the male grooming industry by announcing the launch of his first cologne, Maverick for Men. The announcement took place at the end of a joint appearance with California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger on the docks of Los Angeles Harbor. Continue Reading »

New York, NY (FiniteTimes.com) – The host of ABC’s Emmy-winning hit show Extreme Makeover, Home Edition confirmed Wednesday that the show would soon be enlisting an army of workmen to wage war on a very special target. Continue Reading »

Paris, France (FiniteTimes.com) – Mere hours after announcing their first tour in almost 40 years, The Police have already run into a roadblock in the form or a 6’3” aging prostitute with a familiar name. Continue Reading »

Hollywood, Florida (FiniteTime.com) – Investigators looking into the death of Anna Nicole Smith admitted Friday that they were comparing notes with investigators looking into the attempted kidnapping and murder case involving astronaut Lisa Nowak. Continue Reading »

New York, NY (FiniteTimes.com) – The Depends undergarment company announced Wednesday that it is dropping astronaut Lisa Nowak as its official spokesperson following Nowak’s mace and BB-gun rampage targeting fellow NASA employee and love-rival Colleen Shipman. Continue Reading »

Washington, DC (FiniteTimes.com) – Republican lawmakers on Capitol Hill Tuesday were applauding the news that President Bush’s 2.9 trillion dollar budget would actually come in lower than originally predicted. Continue Reading »